Cell Phone Etiquette

Dear Miss Cynical,

I get so bored when I'm driving in my car. The radio isn't entertaining enough and all the signs on the side of the road are really lame. So when I see that I have a text or call, I immediately answer. But now all these news stories are like, don't text and drive or you'll die! And cops are pulling people over for it and I'm worried they'll catch me. But driving is so boring and it's so rude to ignore my friends and family if they call or text! I don't know what to do!

Little Miss Socially Connected

Dear Little Miss Socially Connected

Sorry the scenery isn't pretty enough for you. I'm sure your iPhone is much nicer to look at, that's why you just ran that red light, right? Oh, you didn't realize you ran that red like because Amber was sending you a text about the sweet new heels she bought for sale at Urban Outfitters? Yeah, that's fascinating. Totally worth risking the lives of the people around you.

Look, nothing you're saying is important. Nothing you're talking about via text or over voice is a pressing matter. Is your mother/father/sister/aunt/boyfriend/dog in the hospital, about to keel over and die? What's that? They aren't? And if they were you certainly wouldn't be wasting your time on the phone but rather would be driving at top speed, concentrating solely upon getting to that hospital? Thought so.

"Aw, but if I don't take this call/answer this text then I won't get the topping on the pizza I want! My mom is about to order pizza and she doesn't know what I want!" I never met a pizza where I couldn't just pick off any of the toppings that I didn't like. Unless your mom insists upon ordering a cheese-less pizza covered in anchovy paste and shaved coconut, in which case, I'm willing to bet she'll order a second pizza for you and will therefore wait for you to come home.

It's not like you travel more than 20 miles from wherever it is that you live on a regular basis, how long can it possibly take you to get where you're going that you can't just wait? The status of the person who sent you that text/called you probably isn't going to change in 30 minutes. If Billy calls to ask you out on Saturday night, he's not going to change his mind just because you didn't pick up. "Gee, I guess Sally must be out dating other boys. Better try some other girl. Maybe I'll call Amber, I bet SHE texts and drives!"

You know what's rude? Insisting upon operating a vehicle that you're not even interested in. They have buses if you're too distracted to drive. "Oh, but buses are full of dirty poor people, gross!" you say? Oh good, then you won't be opposed to walking. "But it's so far!" Yeah, well, it's time to prioritize. You can either stay put until your social life dies down or you can unplug yourself from everyone you know for 30 minutes and drive with respect for your fellow human beings. I'm sure your friends and family will still be there when you get out of your car. If they're not, even better! Now you can save on that data plan!

Miss Cynical